The Birth

Are you ready to read a novel?  I hope so.  Cuz I'm about to share my birth story.  Gonna document 55+ hours worth of an extremely arduous journey known as child birth.

I wish I was joking when I say that it took over 2 days to push a baby out of my body.  When I had envisioned my childbirth experience, I saw it as a peaceful and natural event.  No longer than 15 hours (I got this number from my mom whose longest labor out of four babies was 16 hours); the perfect ending to a very pleasant and event-less pregnancy.  In my head, I was certain that I would still be pregnant past my 40 week due date, maybe even go up to 41 weeks.

In reality, labor happened abruptly and sooner than I had hoped it would.  It was not pleasant.  I was caught off-guard.  It was so painful.   Oh my gosh it was painful.

In the end, I had the natural and unmedicated birth that I wanted.  I got my beautiful, healthy baby boy out of it.  In that sense, it was SO worth it.  But I think the entire experience traumatized me.  My strength and patience was reaaallllly tested.  It was scary.  Ready for the story?  Read on..

Sunday, July 27

2:30 am
Woke up needing to pee really bad. Nothing weird, just the usual 2 am pee-pee wake up call. Go potty, jumped back in bed.  Then I felt a leaking sensation.  Think to myself "am I still peeing?"  Go back to bathroom. No more pee, but something was leaking. "Weird," I thought. 

3 am
Lying in bed.  I'm woken up again by the same leaking sensation. It quickly turned into gushing. Hopped out of bed as fast as I possibly could, half asleep, leaving a trail behind me. Made it to the toilet, standing in a puddle. "Shit," I thought. I knew my water had just broken. I wasn't feeling any contractions, and I was too sleepy to do much else, so I sloppily wiped up my mess with a towel and jumped back in bed. 

4 to 8 am
Woke up sporadically throughout the night having to pee/leak. At some point I nudged my husband and told him that my water had broken. "Should we go to the hospital?," he asked. "Nah, I'm not ready yet."

10 am
Up and about. Texted my doula. Let her know what happened. 

10 - 3 pm
Feeling light contractions throughout he morning. Nothing bad. Felt like period cramps. Spent time relaxing at home and trying to get more sleep. 

4 pm
"I should probably email my doctor."  Doctor responds within half an hour. Tells me there's nothing to worry about as long as the baby continues to be active. She mentions that contractions should continue to intensify, but if they don't I can get medication to speed things up.  She says to try to make it to the hospital soonish.
The mention of medication immediately annoys me. This entire time she has been very supportive of my desire for a natural, unmedicated birth. It's a blunt reminder that I'm still dealing with the standard US health care system where the approach is to treat everything as a problem and just throw medication at patients. Ugh.
I email her back and tell her that I'll stay at home a bit longer to allow the process to continue naturally. 

4:30 pm
My doula has been checking in with me throughout the day. I tell her that light contractions are still coming and going. She reminds me that I should eat a heavy dinner with plenty of protein, and maybe go for a walk. 

5 pm
Dinner time.  But first, husband and I walk to Little Tokyo.  I drop off a handful of baby shower Thank You cards in a USPS mailbox. This was one of my "must finish before baby arrives" tasks, so I felt a sense of relief getting these in the mail right before baby arrived.
We walk to Lazy Ox for dinner. I order steak, mashed potatoes, and cauliflower. And a glass of wine to help me relax. Husband had the burger and fries. Devoured everything. We relish in our last solo dinner together for a while.

Hi!  I'm in labor! 

Hi! I'm going to be a dad soon!

6:30 pm

Back home. I jump in bed and attempt to sleep. Contractions have slowed down at this point so I managed to get a good nap in. 

7:30 pm
I'm getting restless. Decide to bake some paleo brownies to take to the hospital as an offering to the nurses and as extra snacks for my hospital bag.
SIDE NOTE: Best decision ever. These really came in handy hours later when I was starving during labor at the hospital and then during recovery!

9 pm
Contractions still aren't happening at full force. I know I'm not ready to go to the hospital.  Decide that I'm going to attempt to get a full night of sleep and head to the hospital in the AM. Check in with my doula. She says to call her emergency late night phone # if contractions intensify.

10 pm

I'm lying in bed and find myself starting to cringe with each passing contraction.  Finally!  Husband starts to get concerned, but I tell him it's all good. Things are starting to progress. 

Monday, July 28

12:30 am
I hadn't been able to fully sleep since getting in bed.  Contractions have been getting stronger to the point where I can't talk through them.  Husband calls my doula to give her an update.  She'll be over in a couple hours. "That seems so far away," I think. Hah!  If I only knew how much longer I still to go.  Husband starts to time my contractions. 

I spent most of that night sitting on my handy dandy birthing ball.

2 am

Doula arrives. She starts to time my contractions. They are coming about every 3-5 minutes and lasting 30-45 seconds. Still not where they need to be, but I can't imagine them being more uncomfortable. If I only knew...  Doula assesses the situation. She thinks we are nowhere close to having to go to the hospital. I feel impatient, but agree that I should continue trying to sleep. 

3-7 am
Worst sleep of my life. Doula slept on our couch, husband knocked out on the bed with me, and I spent the night doing breathing drills through contractions and resting during the 3-5 minute breaks.  I was pretty bummed that by the time the morning came, my contractions still weren't intense enough to warrant a trip to the hospital. My doula had to leave that morning because she had a prior commitment that was outside of her scheduling control. Her back-up doula was on the way. 

8 am
The back-up doula arrives, and my original doula has to leave. The new doula was the sweetest person ever. We chat a bit, taking breaks every time a contraction hit. She recommends we go do some stair walking, so we walk outside to our building parking lot. Walk up and down the stairs a few times. It felt really good to be mobile, but didn't do much to increase the intensity of my contractions. We walk back inside to our loft.  I take a shower.

9-10 am
After a relaxing shower, I'm feeling up for a nap. The contractions had slowed down and were a little more spaced out, so I was able to get some really good rest.  It felt awesome. 

10 am
My phone rings. It's my doctor's office. The secretary called to tell me that my doctor hadn't heard from me since yesterday and wants me to go to the hospital now.  We pack up last minute items in our hospital bag. Doula, husband, and I drive to the hospital. I'm feeling excited but a little nervous. 

10:30 am
Check in to triage. Get scolded by the nurse for waiting so long to go to the hospital. She makes some mention of me needing pitocin to speed up contractions. I explained to her that was exactly what I was trying to avoid. She checks me for dilation. I'm at 2 cm, at most, which was really discouraging for me to hear. She hooks me up to a fetal monitor. Takes my vitals. Everything looks perfect. She says the doctor will be visiting soon, and since I and the baby appear fine maybe the doctor will give me more time to labor naturally. I'm optimistic, but still nervous. Contractions seem to have lightened up temporarily. 

11:30 am
Doctor shows up. She seems optimistic that baby and I are doing well after an entire day of laboring, but she doesn't recommend that I go back home to continue labor naturally. She won't give me that OK.  Husband and I have a decision to make. Go home, against her orders, OR stay and most likely be administered pitocin. After some discussion, we agree to stay.
We let the nurse know that we will be staying. I'm feeling super discouraged that I've already been laboring for so long with so little progress to show for it. 

12 pm
A new nurse shows up to pick me up from triage and take me to my Labor and Delivery room. I suddenly start to feel really heavy contractions coming on. I think it was a combination of this new wave of contractions and the feeling that I had suddenly lost control of my birth experience, but I start to sob inconsolably. The nurse is trying to disconnect me from the fetal monitors, and here I am crying and wailing like a baby.  Fun. 

12:30 pm
I'm in my Labor and Delivery room getting settled and trying to compose myself. I'll be spending the rest of my time here until I deliver. I'm told that I have about an hour before the doctor will give the go-ahead to administer pitocin. I've let go by now. I'm really just focusing on getting through each contraction, as they are much more regular and very intense.  My focus has shifted to getting this baby OUT.

Hours pass, and no word from the doctor.  I'm still not quite sure why nobody ever showed up within that 1 hour time slot to medicate me.  My best guess is that the nurses noticed that I was in true active labor so they decided to give me more time.  Being in that room was a much more calming environment for me.  I was able to walk around freely, make use of the birthing ball, shower, or use any of the other amenities to labor naturally.  I really felt like I was finally making progress on my own and that baby was well on his way.  My doula helped so much to make it a peaceful environment and coached me through difficult contractions.  Husband was there every step of the way, providing strength that I no longer thought I possessed.

7 pm
My doctor finally shows up!  I know I'm nowhere near the pushing stage, but contractions are intense and very painful.  She gets ready to check me for dilation and fear washes over me.  The last thing I want is anything near my vagina right now; I was already in so much pain!  She had to check, though.  It was quick but extremely uncomfortable.  Good news  - I was over 5 cm!  My doctor was very enthusiastic about my progress, explaining that I had practically just ran a marathon.  She leaves telling me that she's optimistic about me being able to delivery vaginally, and she wouldn't be surprised if the baby showed up by midnight.  I was ecstatic.  Couldn't wait for this to be over and meet my baby!

Contractions continue to intensify throughout the night.  I was in no way prepared for so much pain.  I had seen so many birthing videos of women laboring naturally, baby being born peacefully to a calm and collected mother.

Yeah, that wasn't me.

Tonight I was possessed.  I lost any and all reservation and modesty.  I would go from bouts of sobbing uncontrollably to screaming like somebody was stabbing me in the uterus.  Cuz that's what it felt like.  No, actually, it was more like someone took my uterus, put it in some medieval torture contraption that pulled it in two different directions for 2 minutes at a time with a 3 minute break in between.  All. Damn. Night. Long.

I did not sleep that night.  I paced my room like a madwoman hoping to have the strength to make it through the next contraction.  That's all I could do - deal with them one at a time. Eventually, I laid down on the hospital bed and labored on my side, attempting to get some rest.  Husband laid down with me, but I'm sure he couldn't sleep through all of the commotion I was making.  My doula attempted to sleep on the recliner in the room.  And time passed by like that for I don't know how long.

Tuesday, July 29

12 am
The nurse comes in to perform another dilation check.  I am terrified.  The result: closer to 7 cm.  Progress, but not enough.  She calls my doctor to update her.  Basically so that my doctor could go to sleep and not worry about having to deliver my baby in the next few hours.

Eventually the sun begins to rise.  I hadn't had real sleep for the past 2 days.  I'm a mess.

I don't remember much about how the early hours of this morning transpired because I was still only focused on getting past each contraction.  All I know is that I reached my lowest point this morning.  I was doubting my ability to get through labor, extremely upset that the baby hadn't been born yet, swearing up and down that I am never putting myself through this again.  If someone would have offered me medication, drugs, mercy, ANYTHING, I would have voraciously accepted it.  I was desperate to get the baby out!  This was not fun.  At some point my doula mentioned that I may still have a few hours to go, and I curled up and cried like an injured puppy.  

9 am
The entire morning was a blur.  I'm not sure how those around me noticed that I was ready to push. All I know is that my doula asked the nurse to start coaching me through the pushing process.
The nurse set up a squatting bar at the end of the hospital bed. She had me sit on the birthing ball, grab on to the top of the squatting bar, and taught me how to push when each contraction hit: as soon as I felt one coming, take a deep breath. Release it. Then take one huge breath, hold it it while I bear down as she counts to 10. Repeat 3 times for each contraction.
And holy shit!  Relief!  Suddenly, contractions were semi-manageable. Why hadn't they taught me how to do this hours ago?!
I sat on that birthing ball and did the whole pushing thing for a good 10 minutes.  Each and every push was VERY taxing.  I felt like I expended every ounce of energy in my body for those 10 seconds of bearing down.  It still hurt, but each push provided some relief.

I remember asking my doula if this meant that I was now fully dilated at 10cm.  She said yes.  I finally felt some semblance of happiness.

The nurse informs us that she is going to call my doctor.  She sets up the hospital bed for me to get on my back and start pushing.  The urge to push is getting stronger with each passing minute, and I have very little breaks in between to rest.  I manage to jump back on the bed.  I'm still being coached through each contraction, but this time by everyone - the nurse, doula, my mom, my husband.

The nurse then rolls in a giant mirror to my room.  She said that it was so I can see the baby coming out, which I think I refused because I really had no energy to focus on anything else besides pushing with all of my might.  I didn't need to be distracted by no baby head in a mirror!
The doula said something about how I should really see it because it's such a cool thing to witness.  I don't remember responding, because I was really whatever about it.  Anyway, I did look at the mirror and I saw the top of the baby's head.  Now that I think back about it, it was really freaking cool to see that.  At the time, I didn't pay much attention to it because I was, you know, trying to push it out.  Actually, I was a bit frustrated because I would see the top of the head getting bigger with one push, and then it would suddenly sink back in.  All of my pushing effort wasted away in clear sight as that baby head went back inside.  And let me tell you, pushing was so damn physically and mentally exhausting, especially after not having slept for 2 days.

Luckily, I only had to push for about an hour.  Around 9:30am, my doctor arrived.  That last half hour was me just pushing to the point where the doctor could guide the baby's head out and receive the rest of his body.  I've hear people say that crowing of the baby's head is the most painful part of delivery.  But after having endured contractions from hell for over 24 hours, this pain was nothing in comparison.  Yes, it was painful.  But like I said, there was at least a little bit of relief after each push.

10am
Our baby boy is finally out!  The doctor throws him on my chest immediately.  He is slippery, gooey, curled up in fetal position.  I am in tears, disbelief, and complete awe.  The doctor hands scissors to husband.  Who, by the way, has been by my side the entire time and completely fascinated watching the birth of our boy.  Husband cuts the umbilical cord, and then baby is swept away to be assessed at a table near the end of my hospital bed.  My temperature had spiked to fever conditions near the end of pushing so they had to evaluate him for potential infections.  Plus, the little pooper had passed meconium while still inside of me.  They had to make sure he hadn't aspirated any of his own poop.  Because of this, they whisked him away to continue evaluating him in a separate room.  We didn't get the immediate bonding time that I had hoped for after birthing him, but we had to make sure that he was healthy after such a long labor.

In the end, he was perfectly healthy. 

I'm pretty sure that 55 hours of labor is not typical.  Perhaps if I hadn't been in pain and suffering for so long, I would look back at this birth experience with a bit more fondness.  Ultimately, I am grateful for being able to have given birth to my son the way that I had intended.  I am so proud of him for having endured such a long journey as well!  I'm fascinated by my body for its capacity to bring life into this world.  I'm extremely lucky for my husband, who supported and encouraged me throughout the entire process.  I am even more grateful for our happy, healthy boy.  I've never been more in love.

photo by the fabulous Phoebe Joy

Baby Boy

Very early on in my pregnancy, way before we could even determine the gender through ultrasound, I had a dream that I was holding and playing with a beautiful baby boy. It was the only baby-related dream I had. I wish I would have had more of them because it was the sweetest and most comforting dream. 

Well, I don't have to dream anymore because HE is here. He is perfect. Husband and I are crazy for him!

Gael Octavio was born at 10:40am on July 29. 2 days before his due date. After over 55 hours of labor. It was the most difficult thing I've ever had to endure. Also- the most rewarding.  I'm so proud of him and feel so very lucky to be his mommy. 

35 - 36 - 37 - 38

Week 38?!  Oh boy, I've got some catching up to do.  All has been great.  Pleasantly busy.  Baby is growing.  Due date is nearing.  It can really happen any day now, but baby is showing no signs of wanting to evacuate its happy place.

Let's backtrack a bit to week 35 because that was a fun week.  Husband and I took our last pre-baby trip.  We had a wedding to attend in Madison, Wisconsin, so we made a long weekend out of it.  First stop was Chicago.  The flight there a bit uncomfortable.  There was nothing wrong with the flight itself, I just felt cramped in my seat and I couldn't sleep.  I always sleep on planes, but this time I couldn't get comfortable enough to knock out.  When  I stepped off of the airplane, my feet were tingly and I realized that they were swollen.  Not fun.  The flying made me grateful that I had no more traveling to do for the remainder of this pregnancy.  Besides that, Chicago was fun!  Most of our time there was spent eating really good food. 

We made it a point to visit Publican Quality Meats for their, well, quality meat selection.

We ate delicious foie gras at the Purple Pig.

FOIE!  (ugh, damn you stupid California anti-foie gras law)

And we enjoyed a really unique dining experience at Alinea.  We had to make this reservation months ahead of time.  It was a special splurge, especially since I'm not sure when we will be able to visit Chicago again.

One course included playing "Hide n Seek" with your food.  We had to find this very savory piece of jerky inside of a nest of twigs.

Another course included a small fire in the middle of the table.  After sitting there for a good 15 minutes, the waiter revealed a beautiful piece of Wagyu beef hidden in the middle.

Dinner concluded with our table transforming into a giant dessert canvas.  Yes.

After a day in Chicago, we drove to Madison to attend our good friends' wedding.  The road trip was much more comfortable than the flight; no complaints there.  The wedding was really touching and beautiful.  I'm really glad that we were able to attend!

35 weeks in Chicago!

When we returned from our trip, I had one more week of work before officially beginning my maternity leave.  I was a little nervous about what I was going to do with all of my free time, so I made a list of things to do to keep me busy.  I have been tackling that list head-on since day 1 of my leave, and I'm still working on it.  Currently at week 38 (2 weeks into maternity leave), I've only had one full day where I have stayed home and done absolutely nothing (it was heavenly!)

Last week of work, pre-4th of July weekend

4th of July came and went, but we didn't do much this year.  That's my fault because it was hot as hell outside and I refused to leave our loft.  We were planning on walking to Grand Park for their 4th of July celebration, but I was in no mood to walk several blocks in 90+ degrees F weather and sit in the sun all afternoon waiting for nighttime.  Getting there at night for the firework show wasn't an option either because then it would have been too crowded at that point to find a place to sit.  So that was vetoed.  Boring, I know.   

4th of July weekend wasn't a bust, though, because husband's family threw us a super thoughtful baby shower.  I feel completely spoiled with all of these celebrations happening in honor of the baby.  Also, I can't help but feel a little bit guilty (I'm not worthy!)  We were truly touched and appreciative of this celebration.  Baby is a lucky one, surrounded by so much love.

Baby shower photos, courtesy of my sis

Like I mentioned earlier, I've been keeping busy checking off items from my To-Do list.  Finding a pediatrician, completing all of our hospital baby classes, packing our hospital bag, washing and organizing baby clothes, getting our cars serviced, researching and buying a car seat and stroller, taking Lola to the vet to update her on her doggie vaccinations, writing Thank You notes to friends and family, grocery shopping, preparing freezer meals to keep us fed for those first few weeks with baby...the list goes on!  It is really, really nice to have time to tackle everything. 

At 37 weeks - 1st week of maternity leave done!

I've been visiting my doctor weekly to check for progress.  But at 38 weeks, there is none.  The baby is as active as ever.  Sometimes a hand or foot will protrude and form a tiny lump on the side of my belly.  It is so awesome.  I am still completely in awe of how this baby is growing inside of me.  I'm okay with it taking as long as it needs to fatten up and prepare for this big world.  In the meantime, I'll be finishing up my To-Do list, getting lots of rest, and waiting patiently.

Symptoms:  General discomfort.  The belly is heavy.  I have to pee all day, all night.  It is all tolerable, though.  I can't complain.  I am very lucky and happy for these normal symptoms.
Thoughts on Food:  Food is all good.  I'm eating well and regularly.  With the baby dropping, it seems that there is more room for food to process itself.  Indigestion is gone (hooray!), and hopefully gone for good.
Cravings:  I'm really loving cereal right now.  I buy a pack of gluten-free, naturally-sweetened corn flakes once a week from the market.  That cereal + almond milk + fresh sliced banana has been my ideal lunch for the past few weeks.
Thankful For:  So many things!  The opportunity to have escaped with my husband one last time (pre-baby) for a weekend, our families who have showed us so much love, having extra time to nest and prepare for baby.  And a healthy, thriving baby of course!
Current Weight:  128.5 lbs at 38 weeks.  My digestive system seems to have kicked itself back into gear, thank goodness!  Weight gain is still steady, but slower now.    

Catching Up At 34 Weeks

Oh man, things have been a bit hectic around these parts the past couple of weeks.  There's a lot going on: Dr. appointments are becoming more frequent, we've had a number of family and friend events to attend, a baby shower happened, and hospital classes are starting up.  I knew June was going to be a busy month, and as a result it is going by really, really fast.  I've just been trying to enjoy every minute of it and take things day by day.

Speaking of that baby shower, it was lovely!  I am a very lucky girl.  My mom and sister put in so much work to make it a perfect celebration.  My friends and family are amazing.  I totally do not deserve so much love, but I appreciated every single moment of it more than I could ever express.  I got a few pictures from the celebration thanks to my awesome sister in law who capture a ton of moments I would have missed otherwise.

The color scheme was a gender-neutral yellow and grey.  Go team "no gender preference!"

The baby continues to grow fast.  My 33 week ultrasound revealed a healthy, strong, 4.5 lb baby!  I couldn't be more thankful for this little one, even though as the bump grows things continue to become more uncomfortable.  Walking long distances is tolerable, but not very fun.  Standing up for long periods of time is not preferable.  I'm grumpier than usual.  And my digestive system is shit right now.  But it is all worth it.  Baby is healthy, and I am happy for that. 

Symptoms: General uncomfortable-ness. 
Thoughts on Food: Ah, food.  I am definitely eating more nowadays.  I've noticed an increase in appetite.   The bad part is that my digestive system has sloooowwwed down big time. I eat and eat, and nothing comes out, if you know what I mean. It's SUPER annoying. 

Cravings: Nope, no cravings.  Just hungrier. 

Thankful For:  My wonderful family, friends, husband.  I am feeling the love and that makes me one happy mama.

Current Weight: 126.  The lbs are adding up much more quicker now! 

Week 32

So.  We are at week number 32 now.  Cray.  

Days have really been flying by as of late.  It was quite a busy week.  It started out with a maternity photo shoot.  That was super fun!  I still haven't seen all of the photos, but from a quick preview that we received I am in love with them already!  I also had a couple of date nights with girlfriends mid-week.  And then I had an unplanned visit to the Dr.'s office in the middle of the week.  

I thought I was over being a paranoid mess a long time ago, but I proved myself wrong.  Remember how I mentioned that this baby was a crazy kick monster?  Well, one morning it decided to be nice to me.  I noticed that it wasn't kicking as hard or as frequently.  And so I sort of freaked out, contacted my Dr., and was instructed to get to the office as soon as possible for a Fetal Nonstress Test.  Doesn't sound scary at all, right?  

When I got to the exam room, they strapped a heartbeat monitor around my belly, sat me down, and left me for a good chunk of time to listen to the most relieving sound a mother could hear: the baby's heartbeat. The heartbeat was recorded on graph paper for the duration of the test.  Eventually, the nurse came back to the room to read the graphs and assured me that everything looked normal.  Phew!  I, of course, felt super silly for being so paranoid.  But better safe than sorry?  At the end the nurse signed me up for a follow-up test at 33 weeks, just to be safe.  So yeah, super paranoid crazy mom over here.  Watch out.

Next week I have another exciting appointment to look forward to: a 33 week ultrasound.  Ultrasounds are my fav.  The upcoming weekend is also baby shower time, thanks to my mom and sister!  It's going to be a busy month, but I like it that way. 

Symptoms: Feet still hurting if I stand up for too long, but it's nothing super uncomfortable.  Moody-ish?  I think I've been moodier than usual.  Been kind of in a Dont Give A F mode to people and things around me.  I hope I haven't been too mean. 
Thoughts on Food: Food and eating it has gone pretty well this past week.  I think I'm eating more.  

Cravings: Sweets.  I've had a bit of a sweet tooth. 

Thankful For:  A mean baby.  I hope it continues to kick me violently and relentlessly for the next 8 weeks so that I have nothing to worry about ever again.

Current Weight: 122.5

3rd Trimester

Oh heyyyy third trimester!  So I guess this is it.  The final stretch.  Time for baby to put on some layers of fat, and for me to deal with that extra weight.  There's no doubt that this baby is fattening up and growing.  Its movements are starting to get stronger and sometimes really uncomfortable!  It's almost like baby is not happy with its lack of space.  It punches and kicks me in all the wrong places, trying to stretch and readjust itself.  Not cool, baby.

Baby's due date still seems far away to me, but days have been really flying by.  I'm four weeks into this third tri and just barely getting some down time to blog.  For one, I got sick at the start of week 28.  It was a harsh reminder that my immune system is still compromised.  Not fun.  I'm all better now, but then husband and I went into full-on nesting mode.  Getting rid of furniture, replacing it with more functional pieces, decluttering, reorganizing, figuring out how to fit a crib into a 700 sq ft loft.  You know, making space for our new roommate.  It has been fun, but very time consuming.  There is still plenty of work to be done, but I think we are in a good place.

Even though I haven't kept up with the weekly blog update, I've been good about the weekly pictures.  Each week I look at this belly and can't imagine how it can get any bigger.  I feel so stretched out; it's kind of uncomfortable!  But baby is just doing its job, and I'm happy for that.

Symptoms: Big.  I feel big.  And heavy.  If I walk too much, my feet start to hurt.  If I sit for too long, my back gets achy.  Indigestion sneaks up on me from time to time.  And I still have to pee all the damn time.  Yay pregnancy - so glamorous!

Thoughts on Food: I've been eating pretty well, but I have to be careful because I never know when those nasty indigestion symptoms will show up.  Sometimes I can eat a whole, hearty meal and feel content.  Some days I'll eat a salad and burp it up the rest of the day. 
Cravings: None.  I'm starting to think this whole "pregnant women have insane cravings" thing is a myth. 
Thankful For: An active baby.  Yes, its movements can be really uncomfortable at times but I'm still in awe that there is a living human being inside of that bump.  A strong, healthy, and active one.

Current Weight: 121.5 lbs at 31 weeks.  Slow but steady weight gain.

Wrapping up Trimester Numero Dos

We made it to the final week of the 2nd trimester!  All I can say about the past several weeks is that they have been incredibly pleasant.  The bump officially made itself known, and I'm feeling super.  Most importantly, the baby has done a great deal of developing and growing.  It is reassuring to know that from now on the baby is viable with the help of medical intervention, should anything happen.  Ugh, it freaks me out just to say that.  Needless to say, I'm very much looking forward to baby staying comfortable inside of its current dwelling place for the next few months.  It may be developed enough, but it's got some fattening up to do!  And I like me a fat baby.  So let's keep growing, okay, little one?

With that, I'm mentally preparing myself for the uncomfortable phase of pregnancy.  Heavy, overbearing bump, me moving at the pace of a slug, muscle cramps, swollen joints.  From what I've read, it can get pretty ugly.  But every pregnancy is different, so who knows what's in store for me.  I'm just trying to stay prepared and approach it with positivity.  However the final trimester pans out, it's all for the good!  For now, I shall enjoy this final week of the 2nd trimester to the fullest.  I'm already so proud of this baby for how far it has come!

Symptoms: Itchy belly, but manageable.  And I have to pee.  All the time.
Thoughts on Food: Food is okay.  I've been eating a bit better this week, but try not to eat too fast or too much because then I start burping nonstop.  Gross.
Cravings: Nah, not really. 
Thankful For: A happy, healthy 2nd trimester.
Current Weight:  Still hovering at 119.

26

Hey, hey 26 weeks!  We are nearing the end of Trimester Numero Dos and things are goooood.  I've felt a bit more energetic this week.  I'm still pretty pooped by the end of the day, but it's been an improvement from last week.  Instead of turning into a zombie by 4/5pm, I can hold out until about 9/10pm.  Woop!  I feel like a granny having to call it a night so early, but sleep is important!  Especially when I wake up every day anywhere between 2 to 3am because my bladder is about to explode.

One exciting development for this week is that we sealed the deal on a doula.  Doula?  I know, I didn't know what a doula was either before entering the world of baby.  Basically, she is someone who provides support to the mother and her partner in preparation for birth and during labor; a birthing coach!  I know, I knowwww; how hippy/yuppie/whatevs of me.  I don't personally know of anyone in my family or circle of friends who has used a doula.  I haven't even told my Mom yet, but I'm sure I'm going to get an earful from her.  The truth is, the baby will be born and many women have done it without the support of a doula.  Here's the thing.  I want a natural birth.  I believe that my body is capable of doing what it is designed to do.  However, I'm having my baby at the hospital.  The odds are stacked very much against my favor when it comes to actually having a natural, unmedicated, interventionless birth.  So why did I decide to birth at a hospital in the first place, you ask?  Well, I still strongly believe in science and have faith in the medical community.  Also, if something goes wrong, trained doctors will be there if I need them.  I am reluctant, though, to blindly trust the hospital and their decisions.  I don't believe in trusting much of anything blindly, so I've been doing a lot of my own research.  Reading, searching, soaking up as much information as possible to decide the best way (for me) to bring my baby into this world.
And holy hell, the cesarian rate in California is sitting at roughly 33% and has been on a steady increase for the past decade.  That, combined with epidural, medical induction, etc. rates makes for a sad prospect for the type of birth that I'd prefer to have.  (Disclaimer: not saying my preference is right/wrong.  It is exactly that: a personal preference.  I totes have respect for all mamas who bring life into this world.)

I guess my point is there is a world of knowledge to acquire in the birthing realm.  I am in no way an expert, nor do I expect to become one.  The plan is to arm myself with enough knowledge and preparation so that the birth experience is a positive one for baby, me, and husband.  Having a doula as part of our team is part of that preparation.  I've learned so much already from our first meeting.  Let me just say that the birthing process and the way the human body handles it at a chemical level is effing fascinating.  I'm so eager to learn more.  So, yeah, I'm already experiencing the benefits of working with a doula!  Knowledge is power, yo.  And when I'm at the hospital, in labor, acting all primitive and shit, I have the peace of mind that there will be a voice of reason to speak on my behalf, communicate my preferences, and explain to husband & I (in normal language) what the heck is going on when nurses/doctors are throwing around all this medical terminology.

Along with being a doula, she's a certified lactation consultant.  Double win!  In my ongoing pursuit of a natural health-based lifestyle in this over-industrialized society, I plan on using these mammaries for their intended evolutionary purpose.  And (surprise, surprise) the chances of me being successful with breastfeeding are equally as slim.  There is a lot I can do to prepare now, and my doula is helping me with that process.  So, I'm really happy to have this extra support as we prepare for baby.  Necessary?  No.  Beneficial?  Definitely.

Okay enough blabber for this post.  Photo time:

Symptoms: Itchy belly!  I didn't expect this one, but I guess it makes sense.  I've already been moisturizing with tummy butter 2x a day, but now I gotta start moisturizing more often.  That tends to relieve the itch.  
Thoughts on Food: I'm still whatevs on food.  Not too hungry recently.  
Cravings: I've been on another smoothie binge this week.  Tropical smoothies with coconut flakes.  Extra ice.  MmmMm
Thankful for: Baby kicks.  I used to be the one to initiate the "poke the baby" game.  Now baby likes to play "poke the mama" all day long.  I'll never get over how wonderful it feels.
Current weight: 119.  No change from last week.  Must be my lack of appetite.

25

Back to reality at 25 weeks.  The past three weeks were like a dream.  It made it hard to come back to daily life as usual.  I've been super tired this week, too, so that has also put a damper on my mood.  I'm not sure if it's a jet lag thing or what.  I slept most of the day Sunday when we returned, and I've been getting plenty of regular nighttime sleep this entire week.  But for some reason as soon as 5/6pm hits I get so fatigued.  I'm looking forward to this weekend so that I can sleep in a bit for two days in a row.  Hopefully that will solve my sleepy-headedness.

Despite being sad about having to end our vacation, we did come home excited to start doing some solid baby space planning.  I think the correct term is "nesting?"  Yes, we can't wait to start nesting!  The plan is to dedicate these upcoming weekends to de-cluttering and getting rid of some furniture.  Our little loft is not baby friendly at all right now, so we have a lot of work to do.  But we are super excited to get started on it and make room for this child.

I've missed my fun weekly survey, so let's get back to that.

Symptoms: Tired.  So tired. I feel like a zombie as soon as 5pm hits.  Like I said, I'm not sure if my body is still recovering from crossing so many time zones or if I'm just being a tired preggo.  I'm hoping this will resolve itself next week after getting some extra Zzz's this weekend.
Thoughts on Food: Why do I still not have a raging appetite?  That whole thing about your appetite returning with a vengeance during the 2nd trimester is lies.  All lies.  I have no more food aversions, but I'm not necessarily hungry either. I was a little disappointed during our vacation that I couldn't eat more. The options of delicious foods were plentiful during our travels, but I just couldn't eat more than a small portion at a time. It's like my stomach has gotten smaller or something. 
Thankful for: Coming home safely from a fantastic vacation.  I can't wait to travel more as a family of 3.
Current weight: 119!  The last time I weighed myself was at 19 weeks, and I was at 115.5 lbs.  This baby is growing!  Hooray!

24 In Thailand

This time around we're celebrating week 24 in Phuket, Thailand. It's our final leg in our mini "tour de Thai."  After Bali, we packed up our backpacks and spent a few days in Bangkok, Chiang Mai, and now Phuket. Each Thai region has been so unique and beautiful in its own way. I'm a city girl, so naturally Bangkok and its energy was my favorite. Chiang Mai, serene and boutiquey, was a welcomed relief from the hectic atmosphere of Bangkok. Phuket was like hitting the Pause button. The pristine beaches are the best I've ever visited. Our guesthouse is in a small Thai village far away from the touristy areas, so the local beach is nothing but peace & quiet. Husband, baby and I had a blast splashing around in the Thai Indian Ocean. 

Besides this growing belly, there isn't much new to report from last week. Baby is still kicking up a storm, I'm feeling great, and husband appears to be enjoying making fun of my disappearing belly button. I can't believe how well this trip has been going. I'm sure some people think I'm absolutely crazy for deciding to backpack for 2.5 weeks through 3 completely foreign countries at almost 6 months pregnant. I had my reservations as well, but figured that I'm feeling as well as I'll ever feel. And this was the last time that husband and I will be able to travel this way in a long time; all on our own, semi-planning things, mostly figuring it out as we go. So why not, eh?  We have managed just fine and all has gone swimmingly. 

I can't explain how thankful I feel for all of this. I use the Baby Center app to read up on the baby's weekly developmental updates, and one of the app's features is a "Birth Club" message board. Other women using the app are automatically placed in a certain month's Birth Club, depending on their due date. I'll usually browse the message boards for fun when I have down time and wifi. Most of the posts are fun or silly, like "today I cried because my husband ate the last bag of Fritos."  But some posts are scary and almost make me want to cry. For example, one woman, also due in July, who posted a picture of her son who was born prematurely. Or other women posting about how the have been put on bed rest due to premature labor, severe preeclampsia, or some other serious complication. It makes me so sad to come across these posts. Here I am, on the other side of the world, doing yoga in Bali, canoeing through caves in islands off of Phuket, bargaining for goods in the Chiang Mai night markets. I feel almost...guilty?  I don't know. All I can do is remain positive and be really, really effing grateful for all of this. And send positive vibes to all those mothers and their little ones being born early. 

We have one more AirAsia plane to catch before our journey back to the states. We'll land in Singapore, spend a night, and then board our Cathay Pacific flight to LAX. I'm looking forward to beig back in the comfort of our home, but will forever be thankful and happy that we took this trip as a little family of three. 

24 weeks in Phuket

23

We're still in Southeast Asia and welcoming week 23 in Ubud, Bali. This town is so charming and bursting with spirituality. There's a Hindu temple or statue every 50 meters or so. Every home or establishment leaves a handmade offering in front of their place every day, making it tricky to walk down the sidewalks (you don't want to step on them!) There's a spot to practice yoga on every corner, and even in the middle of rice paddie fields. If you need to stop for a massage or reflexology session, there are no shortage of spas and wellness centers either!  Husband and I took advantage of this by booking a 75 minute traditional Indonesian massage (him) and prenatal massage (me). The Uma Spa at the Como hotel was the only spa that I could find in the area that offered (or at least advertised) a specialized prenatal massage. It was a bit pricier than spas off the streets, but very cheap compared to American standards. The place was an oasis and the experience heavenly. Baby and I enjoyed it very much. 

Baby experienced its first yoga sessions this week. Our hotel happened to be located just next door to The Yoga Barn, a yoga retreat center unlike any other. Husband and I started off our mornings in Ubud with a 1.5 hour morning flow class at 7am. With its sense of movement now developed, the little one kicked, twisted, and turned throughout my Down Dogs and Warriors. It was a lot of fun feeling it respond to my poses!  Of course there were certain poses I had to refrain from doing. But I listened to my body and modified as needed. The instructors were all very supportive and helpful, too.  The Yoga Barn is an amazing facility with several studios and classes & activities running all day long. I wanted so badly to take a specialized class, like acrobatic yoga!  I'll just have to wait until this baby is safely out of my body. The light morning flow classes offered at least the perfect yoga fix for me. 

In general, I'm feeling healthy and great during month 5. Most of all, EXTREMELY fortunate and grateful for this experience. It is wonderful to be on this trip with my husband right now, with our baby, learning more and more about the world and ourselves every day.

The bump: 23 weeks

22

Hey!  Here we are at 22 weeks celebrating it in Singapore!  Pre-baby, husband and I agreed that our next adventure would take us to Southeast Asia. We didn't have plans to go for several more months, though. Well, baby decided to make an appearance and so we made the decision to move up this trip and plan it before baby was born. 

Planning it at this stage of my pregnancy turned out to work perfectly. I'm still very mobile, have energy, and feel great in general. I've noticed that I need to take it a lot more easier, though. Maybe it's the humidity and 80+ degrees F weather in Singapore, but my feet were killing me after day 1 of exploring the city!  This has never happened to me before. I usually love exploring a new city by foot. So I've taken day 1 as a reminder that I need to slow down, get lots of rest, and stay hydrated! 

22 weeks at the Singapore Botanical Gardens

Clearly, this child is growing fast. The most exciting development as of the past 2 weeks is movement. What used to feel like tiny gas bubbles has turned into a full-out ninja session inside of my belly. It's the single most coolest feeling ever.  My favorite thing to do as of late is play Poke the Baby. I'll give it a little poke to make it move around. It is awesome to feel it respond. Even more exciting is that husband is starting to be able to feel our baby's kicks if it's positioned correctly.  It is truly a beautiful thing. 

Halfway Point and Embarrassing Things

Hi.  I'm twenty weeks pregnant today.  Holy shit.  This baby is halfway ready to make its appearance.  I'm halfway done being pregnant.

I still can't quite wrap my mind around this whole experience and what's to come out of it all.  I don't like to be overwhelmed.  At all.  So much that when something starts to overwhelm me, I just brush it off and convince myself that it's not really a big deal.  Things will be resolved eventually, so why worry?  That's it.  I just try to not allow myself to worry about things.  Because it will stress me out, and stress is bad.  So that's my attitude about life in a nutshell.  And throughout this pregnancy, I've just been going with the flow and allowing nature to take its course.  Recently, though, I'll have moments where I sit and think about what this all really means.  There's a human being inside of me that is going to depend on the husband and I in order to survive.  Survive.  That's a huge responsibility.  Eventually it will grow up and be self dependent.  But us, we are going to depend on this thing forever.  It's an extension of us.  We'll always be worried about it, what it's up to, how it's feeling, the choices it is going to make in life.

Thoughts like these are scaring the shit out of me!  There, I said it.

So I'm just gonna do what I always do and convince myself to stop worrying about it.  This baby will come (in ~20 weeks!?!), and we will have no other option but to be its parents and guide it as well as we can.  Things will be fine, yes...they will turn out just fine.

On to other topics.  I'm starting to feel much more preggo.  Not just by how I look, but by my capabilities which I have realized are becoming increasingly limited.  Along with that come some embarrassing moments.

Example #1: I wasn't able to make it to the gym one night, so I decided to do a quick 30 minute workout in our building's fitness center.  I took my jump rope with me because I wanted to practice double-unders for a few minutes.  After about 20 mins of light stretching and weights, I took out my jump rope and started jumping.  For my fellow females who are familiar with double-unders, you know what that means.  Jumping up and down repeatedly with extreme focus and effort to not lose that rhythm, all while trying to hold it in.  But the longer you jump, the less control you seem to have and sometimes you have a little accident.  It happens to all of us.  Well, the feeling was the same during my quick 5 minute double-under session.  Except what I thought was just a little slip was actually a full-out "I peed my pants."  Luckily, no one else was in the fitness center to witness Embarrassing Moment #1.  I ran upstairs and practically cried to my husband about how I no longer have full control over my own body.

Example #2:  This time, it happened at the gym.  No, not double-unders.  Stand ups.  The workout of the day included stand ups.  "Oh easy!," I thought.  "I love stand ups."  I set up my equipment and eagerly waited for the 10 second countdown for workout to start.  Didn't even do a couple of warm-up stand ups because, duh, stand ups are easy for me.  Silly me.  The workout starts, everyone is racing to complete their 4 rounds of "something something, stand ups, something something something."  I get to the stand ups, attempt one...and I couldn't do it!  I tried again and again, and I kept rolling back from my stand up attempts.  WTF.  Have you seen those videos of the puppies lying on their back trying to roll over to get back on all fours?  Super cute, right?  Me..not so cute.  I was the desperate pregnant woman trying to stand up on her own two feet, but clearly no longer had that capability.  I was embarrassed.  Eventually I gave up and had to borrow someone's station where I could do a scaled version of a stand up.

I realize that these may not be the most embarrassing of moments.  Things could always be worse.  They just really caught me 100% off-guard about how much my body is truly changing.  It's an indication that I will need to continue to modify how I proceed through my day.  It started with simple things at the beginning of pregnancy like "don't eat this, stop drinking that."  Now all of these physical impediments are really starting to  become a reality.  It's all good.  Shit is getting real and I like it.  :)

19 weeks

Could it be that we are almost halfway through?!  I continue to be in disbelief.  I wake up grateful every morning to see that belly and know that we are one day closer to meeting the little one.

This week we went on our first international family outing.  It was nothing elaborate; we just drove two hours south to Tijuana for...you guessed it...baby shopping!

I've been wanting to start a book collection for the baby, and where else could I be sure to find books written in Spanish but in Mexico!  We came back with a nice starting collection of really cute baby books.  One of the things that I am most excited for is reading to our baby, even while in the womb.  It's one of the simplest ways I can think of to connect with our baby, especially now as it is starting to develop its sense of hearing.  Sure, it can't understand anything and won't for a while even after birth.  But the plan is to keep communicating with it and foster a love for reading early on.  With that, we successfully made our first baby purchases!

Symptoms: Nothing bad still!  My nose has been runnier than usual, and sometimes slightly bloody (gross, I know.)  I read that swelling of mucous membranes and surrounding blood vessels is common during the 2nd trimester.  So I guess that's normal.  Whatev, it's nothing I can't deal with.
Foods I can't stand: Nada!  I am still eating well and enjoying every bite.  I don't have the appetite of a hungry, hungry hippo.  In fact, I don't ever really feel very hungry.  I've been eating about the same amount as I did pre-pregnancy and I generally feel satisfied as I go through my day.
Cravings: Nope, not really.
Thankful for: Movement!  I'm so sure that I've been feeling this tiny creature inside of my belly squirm around.  It's a natural reassurance that the baby is growing and thriving, which I am so extremely thankful for.
Current weight: 115.5 Finally some solid weight gain!

18 weeks

What's up, 18 weeks!

There isn't much to report this time around.  Belly is still bumpin'.  Baby is doing its thang.  I'm feeling great.  It has been a really smooth week.

Clothes is starting to become an issue.  I have a couple of work-friendly maternity pants that are my favorite things right now.  Converting my non-maternity pants to maternity-friendly by attaching a rubber band to the front button is starting to look kind of ratchet.  Then there's the possibility that the zipper will go down without me noticing.  So, I kind of need to add a couple more work-friendly pants to my wardrobe.  The issue is that I really don't want to.  So far I've looked for clothes at Target, H&M, and Old Navy and everything is so.ugly.  The nice stuff is, of course, expensive and way more than I'm willing to pay for something so temporary.  So what to do?  Keep looking ratchet until the zippers break from my pre-preggo pants?  Buy ugly, cheap clothes?  Or buy a couple more cheap, basic, wear with anything leggings and wear the hell out of them?
I've been checking Craigslist religiously for used clothing.  It's hard to find someone who is selling a wardrobe that 1) is my size, and 2) I actually like.  But I shall keep checking.

So, I'm dealing with outgrowing my clothes but this is a very good problem to have.  I love this growing belly very much.

Showing off a gnarly bruise I got at the gym a couple days back.  It was nothing dramatic, really.  I was just dumb and took a couple step backwards trying to get out of someone's way.  I ended up jamming my arm into the handlebar of a stationary bike.  woops

Symptoms: Happiness!  I have been very happy recently.  Happy that I am no longer feeling ill, that my energy seems to be back to normal, and that this baby is strong and growing.
Foods I can't stand: I think I can handle about anything right now.  I'm not particularly hungry, but if you put food in front of me I will eat just about anything.
Cravings: Yogurt is still pretty damn good.
Other?: I'm glad to be back to my regular diet again.  The husband and I are cooking at home almost every night.  I've added dairy to my diet just because yogurt is so good nowadays and I want that extra calcium.  Feels really good to eat clean again, and to enjoy food.
Thankful for: Our health (baby's, husband's, and mine)  :)
Current weight: 114.5 Same as last week.

Seventeen

Dude, I'm 17 weeks along.  It's official.  I have a bump.  There's no hiding it.  Check it:

Three people randomly asked me this week.  I went from having a tiny muffin top to 3 random inquiries?!  The first one completely caught me off guard.  For one, it was night time so it was dark.  Second, it was cold so I was wearing my thick hoodie.  Third, I was walking through our parking garage juggling my purse and three bags of groceries (we were coming home from grocery shopping.)  We happened to bump into a sweet, older German woman who lives in our building.  After greeting each other the next thing she spits out is an enthusiastic "Are you pregnant?!"  To which I responded with the affirmative, though not quite as enthusiastic because I was so surprised and not expecting that question.

A few days after that, a woman at my work came up to my cubicle after we passed each other in the halls.   She asked if I had any news to share.  I knew what she was referring to since her gaze was directed towards my belly.  So yeah, word is out at work.

Finally, I went to a friend's 30th birthday party last Saturday night.  My girl friends who were there, and who I haven't announced the news to yet, either all remained oblivious to my burgeoning belly or thought I had put on some extra baggage.  My friends mom, however, came up running behind me, placed her hand on my belly as if to validate its existence, and gave me another enthusiastic "you're pregnant?!"

So yes, I'm officially bumping.  Please excuse all this belly blabber.  I'm just really excited that this baby is growing and that things have been going so very well.  I never thought I'd be so worried about sustaining a pregnancy.  It's just that everything has been falling into place so smoothly.  Smoothly enough that I have this paranoia in the back of my mind that something is bound to go wrong.  THAT'S AWFUL.  I KNOW.  And SOOO not me.  Ugh, is this a parenthood thing?  Worrying about your child all the freakin' time?

I'm trying so hard to remain positive.  One thing that really helped was announcing the news to our close circle of friends.  The outpour of support and kind words that we received was astounding to me.  People are genuinely happy for us, and that made me feel so grateful.  I was finally able to share my pregnancy experience with some of my girlfriends.  It was so nice to just talk about it.  It sort of made me sad that I hid this news for so long, but I know that I wasn't ready until now.  Like I said earlier, things are falling into place and happening when they are meant to happen.

It's been a great week.

Symptoms: Nothing really.
Foods I can't stand: None!  Digging food more and more!
Cravings: Still diggin' yogurt.
Thankful for: Our friends.  Their kind, encouraging, and positive words.  How am I worthy of these nice people in my life?!
Current weight: 114.5  No real weight change between this and last week.

Sweet 16

Hello 4 months!  I can't believe I've made it this far.  With every passing week, this pregnancy feel more and more real.  I may not look very preggo, but that bump from last week is starting to look legit.  See!?:

Last week was another rough one, health-wise.  They ain't joking when they say that your immune system becomes suppressed during pregnancy.  Just last month, I caught a nasty cold that turned into a fever.  As soon as I recovered from that and started feeling normal again, the hubby came down with a cold.  I carried on with life as usual, thinking that I was all bad-ass and immune since I already had my sickness.  Nope, he went and infected me with his stupid germs that had my sick in bed for an entire weekend.  At least this one didn't develop into anything worse, but I'm still dealing with the yucky post-cold cough and phleminess.  Not cute.

Besides that, baby is fine and apparently growing.  And that makes me happy.  I can't wait for my checkup at 17 weeks to hopefully see/hear the baby again!

Symptoms: Sickness.  Immune System Suppression is real, yo.
Foods I can't stand: n/a
Cravings: I've never been much of a dairy person, but I like my yogurts right now.  I'm enjoying at least one a day and it is the perfect snack.
Thankful for: that my sickness didn't get any worse this time around.  Gotta look at the brighter side of things.
Current weight: 114.5